Wispid

My friends gave me a T-shirt when I was in high school that said Masterbatter.

I wore it most of the day until the counselor told me to turn it inside out.

I was naive and didn’t understand why.

I am not so naive now…nor is Southwest Airlines.

They told a passenger to turn his shirt inside out because on the back

it said  MASTERBAITER.

Arguments that the airline was violating his right to free speech won out.

However, his statement – “Who’s to say what’s offensive and what’s not?”

If it offends, it’s offensive, knothead.

A ten-year old boy says his football coach sent him home from practice in his underwear.

So…the boy obeyed…he walked home in his T-shirt, underwear and cleats.

The boy said he was kicked off the team for not following team rules.

The coach told him to give back his gear, and his pants, too!

The coach berated him in front of the team and some parents.

Parents! Parents! Where were the other parents when this was going on?

The coach has denied any wrongdoing and no crime has been charged.

Parents! Parents! Let’s ask the other parents.

But, then….if they would let the coach order the boy to strip to his drillies, chances are they wouldn’t be much help in an investigation.

What do you think?

A 50-year old man tried to recruit a new ‘friend’ he met online to help him kill another 27-year old fellow who worked in his neighborhood.

The ‘recruiter’ wanted to have sex with the dead guy after they did their deed.

The ‘friend’ knew the phone number of the police.

A sting operation resulted in the man being arrested. He is locked up without bond.

Okay…now, let’s tell the rest of the inmates why he is in there…the Citrus County Detention Facility in Lecanto.

I don’t know which I think is more knuckleheaded – the guy who walked into a Norwegian aquarium and walked out with a 70cm (2’3″) crocodile or the aquarium guards and fishtakers (what do you call people who walk about making sure all the creatures are being good and in their place at an aquarium).

Taggen (Spike) was stolen from the aquarium this past Saturday during the busiest hours of the day.

“Hey, what’s that in your pocket?”

“Here, put your hand in to find out.”

Spike can grow to nearly 2.5 meters (8′) in length if he is given a good mix of fish and meat – think the neighbors rowdy kids maybe.

Spike comes from the warm climates of South America.

My bet is that Spike/s parents sent someone to Norway to bring him home or he will show up on someone’s plate in China.

Alligator Soup Served at Shanghai Restaurant

To be sure, airport security is likely to help.

Crocodile Smuggling in Manila

A doctor at UMass Memorial Medical Center who is also a professor at the University of Massachusetts Medical School wanted more info, he says, to add to his 145 professional publications.

Problem…he wanted to pay for the info…from a prostitute…who was also an undercover cop.

Busted.

The police are saying, “Probable cause was established for the arrest as soon as the offer to engage in sex for a fee occurred.”

The prof/doc…”I am not guilty.”

Also arrested in the sting…a lawyer. Gathering info to prepare for future defense cases of doctors/professors perhaps.

A 15-year old schoolgirl hanged herself.

Her parents thought she had been bullied.

The school thought she was a brilliant student.

A nurse who had been confided in – heard from the little girl that she had been raped but didn’t want anyone else to know.

The young lady went into the hospital after overdosing and was being treated for depression,

Now, everyone wants to know why the nurse didn’t do/say something sooner.

What I want to know is why don’t rapists realize that they can take more away from a girl than just her innocence?

Now, we know why India has so many people.

Even 90-year olds, with nothing better to do, are fathering children.

90-year old Nanu Ram Jogi and wife just had a baby girl.

The old goat farmer can’t recall exactly how many children he has, but he recollects he has fathered 12 sons and 9 daughters with four wives beginning in 1942 when he was 25.

He married again at 50 and again at 70. His last marriage took place 10 years ago.

His current wife, 50, gave him seven children but only AFTER her first husband died. The first husband – the old goats son.

Let’s see, that would mean he has grandchildren and children who are brothers and sisters.

The world’s oldest father was an Australian who was 92 when his ninth child was born.

That record may be in danger….

Lesson learned – just because you can, doesn’t always mean you should.

One Catholic Father asked his parish to pray that the Miami Dolphins would finally win a game.

The 0-12 team won. The Ravens lost their 8th straight despite certain prayers on their behalf.

What’s God to do in a case like this anyway?

Yogi Berra’s advice – “Can we leave God out of this?”

source

Meanwhile, another team, the Pittsburgh Steelers may have had a direct line to the Almighty.

A woman took her dead husband’s ashes to a Steelers’ game to honor the second of his two dying wishes:

1. have the team logo carved into his gravestone

2. take him to Heinz Field, the place he wanted to see most.

We might reckon his ashes saw the place, while he was in heaven making a direct pitch for his team.

Seriously, can we leave God out of these games?

source

I’ve lived in a few different cultures in my half-century life. I know that things are not the same everywhere.

Add to my list that thieves in Uruguay are better sports than thieves might be elsewhere.

Three guys held up a sporting goods store in an upper-middle-class neighborhood.

After locking up one store employee in a back room and forcing another clerk to hand over some money and sporting goods, the three guys stuck around and waited on customers for about 30 minutes.

Finally, they jumped into a truck where a driver was waiting for them and took off.

Police are wondering…how much was stolen and how much discount did the customers get for their purchases.

Gee…I wonder if they will have any trouble getting someone to be able to ID the thieves.

A 31-year old mom has been detained in Germany after police found five dead boys aged 3- to 9-years old were found.

Teachers sent investigators to the house, albeit too late.

Also in Germany, an infant girl wrapped in plastic was the third corpse that a 28-year old woman had tried to dispose of.

The woman put the bodies of two other infants in a freezer and a suitcase.

Two kids, aged one and seven are still alive.

I think we should put one piece of this woman in a plastic bag, one piece in a suitcase and the rest in the freezer.

source

A Canadian political party that promotes sexual freedom can’t understand why the country’s postal service won’t deliver its propaganda.

Canada Post refused to distribute a flyer about the group’s philosophy because it was deemed pornographic.

Among other issues, the Sex Party wants liberalization of Canada’s prostitution laws….and give them a retirement home, too!

Sex Party lawyers support restrictions on mailing hard-core porn, but say their material does not fall into that category.

The Post office say they have an obligation to refuse material that could be seen by children.

The Sex Party also advocates:

1. increased sex education in schools – demonstrations?

2. more designated public areas for nudists

And why not a Drug Party, too?

The elderly widow of a doctor hid Y1.7 billion ($15 millionish) under the straw mats of their home so she wouldn’t have to pay taxes on it.

Her husband died and left her Y1.95 billion. She only declared Y267 million ($2.4 million) and hid the rest.

The money was bundled up in plastic bag so it wouldn’t decay and shoved under the tatami mats and storehouse floorboards.

In the end, the woman didn’t have to pay taxes, but she didn’t get to spend the money, either.

Now the 72-year old is on her way to the pokey and will have to pay the taxes AND the interest AND the fine.

source