Wispid

A counterterrorism detective (Jack Bauer wannabe) flunked a drug test.

He says it’s because his wife spiked his meatballs with marijuana.

The police department isn’t buying his excuse and sent him packing.

Appeals and recommendations for reinstatement have been rejected.

The 22-year veteran’s defense is saying that his wife spiked the meatballs by substituting marijuana for oregano hoping he would get caught and leave police work.

“Stop saving the world and come home for dinner!” said mama.

Lawyers for the cop say his wife passed a lie detector test.

Lemme see….if the guy gets reinstated it will be because he is sure that he can’t trust his wife anymore to make normal meatballs.

Will that be considered a victory for him?

How well do you trust your spouse? or your ex-?

I lost a brother and a sister to the ‘drink’. My brother was on a motorbike, and my sister was driving her recliner…too drunk to walk out of the house when a fire started.

I have never heard anybody say, “Gee, I wish I had been drinking at the time.”

Two reasons why drinking too much is stupid -

1. You can lose your job like this city government official in Japan.

After a round of drinks with friends, then another round and another the idiot rode his motorbike home. Next thing he knew he woke up in a bed with a busted kneecap. “I don’t remember where and what I drank.”

2. You can end up jail.morgue ALIVE.

It doesn’t matter that you are Lindsay Lohan or anyone else for that matter. When the drink gets the best of you, the world sees your worst. Lohan must spend one night in jail, serve 36 months probation, complete an 18-month alcohol education program, pay her fines and complete a 3-day county coroner program where she must visit a morgue and talk to victims of drunken drivers.

If she screws up again…a mandatory 120-day jail sentence unless friend Paris Hilton can give he some advice.

So, what’s your excuse for not giving up booze?

It seems that new dogs remember old tricks.

A woman paid 5,000 yuan ($658) for her pure breed dog some three years ago.

They two became good friends as the dog accompanied the woman everywhere.

However, when thieves broke in to the woman’s home they stole some jewels and the dog, too.

A month later, the dog found its owner at a railway station.

Another woman chased the dog (kind of backwards but that’s how it happened) claiming the dog was hers.

However, upon questioning, the second woman admitted to knowing the dog was stolen and that she bought it for a cheap price.

A new dog can learn an old trick, eh?

I am American but I need to rely on a word I learned while in Japan to describe the situation of this woman in Taiwan.

Low self image? Who knows why people do what they do?

A woman received saline breast implants in Taiwan. For whatever reason, some/many Asian women think they are lacking in their frontal attack. I don’t think so…but then certainly even more Asian women don’t care what I think.

Anyway, the woman who had the breast-enlargement surgery three years ago got stung by a bee as she passed through a field.

Two days later she found her right breast had flattened out!

Nasake nai is the term in Japanese used to describe this situation. It’s something like a terribly sad state of affairs that one ends up in even after considerable effort…like this woman.

The bee’s stinger went through her breast and punctured the salt-water bag embedded in her breast.

Twiddle dee remains, but twiddle dum is now gone.

Nasake nai.

Lesson learned – sometimes you just can’t win for trying.

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