Wispid

The man stole the names and addresses of five girls, aged 13-15, by looking at birth notices in old papers at the library.

He got their phone number by using computer telephone directory software.

He called them and told them he was from the health center and that their urine test indicated they might have a sexually transmitted disease and that they needed to be checked.

He took them to an empty plot of land (WARNING!) or a parking lot (WARNING! WARNING!) and then had his way with them…taking pictures of his crimes on a digital camera.

The girls were kids…children…but what were they thinking when the medical worker said they needed checking in his car in a vacant field?

Mom!? Dad!? Don’t you teach your kids about these things?

The man will be behind bars for the next 16 years.

Can we make it longer? How about we add up the ages of the five girls and leave him there for that long?

I thought that this little fellow was a survivor when I wrote Survivor Winner is One-Year Old.

He doesn’t have much on this 76-year old woman who was found alive after she wandered about the mountains of Oregon for about two weeks after disappearing on a hunting trip with her husband.

I don’t reckon the two of them hunted anything if they couldn’t even find one another.

Doris was last seen on August 24th when she went bow-hunting with her 74-year old husband.

Their Chevy Tahoe got stuck (can’t trust those Chevys) and Harold broke his wrist while unloading the ATV from the trailer.

They tried walking but got tired. Doris headed back for the truck and Harold went for help.

Harold was found but when they went back there was no sign of Doris until, having been given up for bear breakfast, she was found by an Oregon State Police Trooper.

Nah…I think Doris is the real trooper in this story.

Didn’t these two every read the story of Hansel and Gretel?

Moral…always make sure you can get home.

Fat jokes?

He was so fat he had to hold out his hands so we could tell whether he was walking or rolling.

He went to the bowling alley and three people tried to roll him down the alley.

His birthday is on Sep. 22, 23 and 24.

When he was born, the doctor held him upside down and said “Look! Twins!”

A guy in Zhengzhou, China went to the hospital to get advice on how to lose weight.

The first thing he learned was that his waist measurement exceeded his height by about 18cm (7″).

Looks like a ball.

The 23-year old is 4′10″ tall and weighs 350 lbs.

Yup…he’d fit right in, sorta, in America.

I wrote Legless Driver Gets DUI.

It must have been the cops that had a bit too much.

The ‘legless’ man was a paraplegic who did indeed still have his legs.

He was steering. His friend was working the gas pedal and brakes when they were stopped.

Both were drunk, the driver had 0.16 and the pedal worker 0.09 blood alcohol, above the 0.08 limit.

The police clocked them at 35mph in a 55mph zone.

We are left to wonder, if the police got the part about the legs wrong, what else might not be correct in their report?

Still…drinking and driving…

Have fun in court guys.

A 14-year old boy on a motorcycle will know better next time than to try and rape a 22-year old jogger.

The kid passed by the runner a few times and then knocked her down.

She, however, was able to fight him off…using those jogging legs I suppose.

She ran (jogging prepares you for such emergencies) to a nearby home and called the police.

The boy was found at home and identified as the attacker.

He tried using his legs to kick his way out of a police vehicle…but failed.

Anybody want to go running?

Seriously, I thought only Japanese did this kind of thing.

Bank Worker Busted for Up Skirt Photographing

Not so…

A knucklehead in South Carolina put a camera in/on his shoe and tried to look up skirts at little girls at the mall.

When the little girl’s aunt told her to step aside, the man responded “it’s okay” and then put his foot between her legs.

And, he thought nobody was going to notice this?

The aunt and some kids chased him out of the store and got his license number.

When the police came to the mall to talk with the aunt and the little girl, the man CAME BACK!

The man showed the police where he threw the camera, how he had modified his shoed and what he had been up to, er, trying to look up to.

Did he expect to get off for good behavior?

A 21-year old man’s body was found in the heating exhaust duct pipes at an elementary school in Anchorage, AK.

The man was last seen when he left his apartment about two weeks ago.

He had been drinking.

When he was found deep in the school’s venting system there was an alcohol container next to him.

He was found because he started to smell up the place.

When maintenance people investigated what they thought was a chemical leak, they found body parts and clothing.

It’s cold in Alaska…some booze, a heating duct that emits carbon monoxide gas and reaches 300 degrees…

Why nobody ever hears, “Gee, I wish I had been drinking at the time.”