Wispid

The man was brilliant…

He needed money…so…where better to go than to a bank.

He knew he would be penalized if he overdrew his checking account so he crossed out his name on his check and wrote a note on the back demanding money from the teller.

It worked!

She gave him the money.

So please with himself he told somebody “I’m Forest Kelly and I just robbed a bank of $5,000.”

The tipster was the recipient of the braggart and the FBI had no problem making out his name on the check even it was ‘blacked out.”

Forest Kelly Bissonnette is in Federal custody, totally wondering how he got there after such a brilliant scheme to get the money.

A French company is providing would be adulterers with custom-made alibis.

The site, founded by an ex-private eye, cooks up:

1. phony weekend seminars

2. fake emergency phone calls

3. invitations to non-existent weddings

The mission statement – protect couples and families by allowing adulterers to live their flings undetected.

The company can even provide freebies – pens, hats and tee-shirts from fake seminars.

Cost – simple $27…..time consuming $207.

The company even concocts fake bills for:

1. companies

2. hotels

3. restaurants

The company will also make arrangements for clients’ secret rendezvous.

Looks like all that practical experience as a private-eye is serving this new entrepreneur well, eh?

Phone number 1-408-712-3268

The governor of a central Russian province told couples to skip work today, stay home and make love to help boost Russia’s low birth-rate.

The prize …if a woman gives birth nine months from now on Russia’s national day – June 12th…a new home, maybe….or a fridge, television or a pair of scissors.

It’s part of a Kremlin campaign to boost the birth rate.

Unwed moms can get prizes, too.

This year, a family won a jeep because their fourth baby was born on the holiday.

Next year, the top prize will be an apartment.

In 2006, 26 babies were born. This year…78.

I have an idea to help promote the scheme…turn off all the electricity in the city for the day.

What else you gonna do?

A woman came screaming into the restaurant where a 42-year old waiter, making a comeback from being convicted of robbery and cocaine possession was working.

“Help! Help! Somebody is stealing my car.”

The waiter ran out, overcame the carjacker’s knife attack with a 2 x 4, explained things to the police and sent away a happy woman.

However, after his lunch shift was finished, his boss fired him for “all the attention his shuffle with the carjacker generated.”

Just shows to go you that it doesn’t pay to try to help someone when you have a stupid boss.

I remember when I was working at a church right out of college.

I stopped to help one of our kids change a tire on a cold winter night (-26F said the sign on the bank marquee).

We were late for worship that evening and my clothes were wet and dirty.

The senior preacher got mad at me for being late and looking sloppy in church….

Huh!?

Why is it that when some people become a boss…they leave their sense elsewhere?

A police officer said, “It’s the best counterfeit scheme I have seen in my law enforcement career. The bills look and feel real. Only an expert can tell they were fake.”

The weight of that statement has a lot to do with the length of the career of the GA cop…but that’s another story.

Another Georgia man made daily trips in his Rolls Royce to a storage facility where he created counterfeit bills….as much as $10,000 a day.

His technique – “Nigerian Black Wash”.

1. Use a laser template to imprint fake bills on ordinary paper cut to the appropriate size

2. Wash the bills with iodine to bring out the printing

3. Vitamin C powder to remove the black stain of the iodine

4. Use baby powder to make the bills feel used.

Gosh, all I need is a laser template and I can be on my way….to Jail.

He was busted for NOT paying his rent on the storage facility.

If the kid grew up with the needles lodged in her body, she would think pain is what she is supposed to be feeling.

When the woman was a baby…grandpa, apparently having wanted a grandson…took out his disappointment on the little girl by sticking 26 sewing needles into her body!!

The needles in the top of her skull could only have put there when she was a baby and the bone were still soft.

In her, bladder, intestines, uterus…Docs are going to work on the lady to start dislodging the needles from the unwilling human pin cushion.

Where’s grandpa now?

Where’s my sewing box?

Yeah…and where were mom and dad and grandma when grandpa was doing his stupid?

This is not a case, er, suitcase, uh, case where the woman couldn’t afford her plane ticket.

A 21-year old university student in Peru married a 26-year old ex-con who served time for drug and escape charges – he skipped parole without telling his parole officer.

The couple married in Peru and lived with her parents for a time.

The victim told her parents that she was going to Lima to meet up with her hubby but then was never heard from again.

Her body was found in a suitcase that was fished out of the ocean.

The blue suitcase had ropes tied around it and it was weighted down… It surfaced after an earthquake.

Yeah….meeting online is the way to go these days….or is it?

Have you met/dated/married anyone you came to know online?

I have.

A ten-year old boy says his football coach sent him home from practice in his underwear.

So…the boy obeyed…he walked home in his T-shirt, underwear and cleats.

The boy said he was kicked off the team for not following team rules.

The coach told him to give back his gear, and his pants, too!

The coach berated him in front of the team and some parents.

Parents! Parents! Where were the other parents when this was going on?

The coach has denied any wrongdoing and no crime has been charged.

Parents! Parents! Let’s ask the other parents.

But, then….if they would let the coach order the boy to strip to his drillies, chances are they wouldn’t be much help in an investigation.

What do you think?

A black woman was beaten and sexually abused by six different people, two of them moms with their son and daughter present… all white.

The FBI is treating it as a hate crime.

Stabbing, dousing with hot water, beaten, sexually assaulted, cut, forced to eat animal feces….the list is long and ugly.

Charges of sexual assault, kidnapping, malicious wounding, lying…being very very sexpid have been charged…and the six, aged 20-49 years old are being held on $100K bond each.

Men can be castrated….what is it that can be done to women?

Two women were sexually assaulted on the campus of York University in Toronto.

The attackers were a little fellow, 5′5″ and a big fellow 6′1″ or so.

The two male Caucasians were able to enter six rooms on multiple floors in the residence until they got what they wanted and then fled.

When police were questioned about how the attackers could get around, in and out of the doors so easily…..the doors were unlocked.

Uh…it’s not the right time to yell at the two girls who were victimized, that can be done later….but, um, let’s lock the doors. Now. Okay?

Now where’s the two sexpidiots that hurt these girls?