Wispid

Jesus would be alarmed to know that his mother was a lemon, er, found in a lemon.

A Texas bar owner/police officer says his son saw the face of the Virgin Mary in a lemon slice.

The Watauga police force member said his son saw the Virgin Mary’s face on a lemon slice he was cutting for the business – Texas Billiard’s Bar.

Seems to me like somebody wants to give people the business, but…

The cop said at first he sort of saw the face. However, after taking a picture the image became more obvious.

The Methodist with a Baptist wife that don’t attend church every week are keeping the Madonna in their freezer.

Key word in this story….BAR.

There’s going to be a drunken party tonight…tomorrow…the day after…the next day and the next and the next….

I expect there will be lots of fodder and drunpidity as well.

In Mississauga, Ontario, 100,000 Moosehead Beers were stolen.

Somebody try and put that under your arm.

Two tractor-trailers with 70,000 cans and 44,000 bottles of Moosehead Lager were stolen.

The retail value of the beer – $197,000. (US)

Worse yet…Moosehead lovers will have to wait till next week to get the booze replenished.

It’s the second time in three years Moosehead has been targeted, having lost 50,000 cans in 8/04 and only recovering 14,000 of the cans.

“We can’t believe that of all the beer available in Canada that Moosehead would be targeted again,” said a MH spokesman.

The common denominator…Moosehead and their security or lack thereof.

What do you do when you are bored?

Stand around.

What do you do when you are naked?

Stand around in front of a window.

What do you do when you are bored and naked?

Put on your hat and try to rob the nearby convenience store.

A 24-year old naked man told police he tried to rob the convenience store because he “was bored.”

Try is an operative word here as well/.

The female clerk  refused to give him any money and called 911 while he walked away still undressed.

I guess she figured he didn’t have any place to put the cash anyhow.

Prader-Willi Syndrome is a rare genetic disorder that creates an overwhelming desire for food and an inability to feel full after eating.

I am pretty sure I have this disease.

There is a guy in Michigan who is big enough to be four-five guys who is absolutely sure that he has it .

Firefighters had to knock a hole in the wall and extricate the man with a forklift….all 900 lbs of him.

The man who had not left his home since 2003 needed medical help according to his visiting nurse.

Two trees had to be trimmed as well.

The forklift was telescopic, capable of lifting 6,000 pounds and supported a platform that the man sat/laid on.

After he was lifted out, the man was slid onto a flatbed trailer and taken to the hospital.

The hospital was prepared, too…their gurneys can hold up to 1,000 pounds.

The man did computer work from home.

I thought the guy in Germany who hid dildos in his sausage (not THAT sausage) was a nut case.

Sexpids are down under, too.

An Australian burglar broke into his neighbor’s house and played sex games with a bottle of toilet detergent and a vacuum cleaner!

He also used a piece of wood and a rubber glove.

He used porn mags for, um, well, I dunno.

The judge sentenced him to 12 months of community service instead of jail because he had a steady job for two years AND he had just become a father.

“Pop, whaddya doin’ with that vacuum cleaner and those rubber gloves? Can we do some male bonding, maybe?”

It seems there are some pretty sexpid people in Germany, too.

A man, mind you, bought two large “Schwartenmagen” sausages.

Later he returned to ask the butcher to wrap and cool them until he left for Dubai the next day.

The butcher noticed the goods were a bit heavier than they should be and called the police.

The man had removed some of the meant and packed two dildos inside!

A spokesman recommended he put the dildos in a loaf of bread…so he could have his dildos, bread and sausage, too.

Help me out here. What’s a GUY going to do with two dildos?

This is the second guy in a week to get stuck in a chimney.

The first – Burglar Gets Stuck in Chimney, Prison Term

A drunk man had to be rescued when he got stuck trying to climb down a chimney of his former girlfriend at about 3:30am.

Amazingly, the drunk stumbled upon something I have been saying here at Wispid all along…

“Everyone do stupid things sometimes when they’re drunk.”

But, I would go one step further….people are stupid for getting drunk and then comes more stupidity = drunpidity.

The girlfriend received a misdemeanor citation for blocking the fireplace.

She “told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die.”

After the man was treated at the hospital, he went BACK.

He’s stupid even when he is sober!

His ex hit him with a garbage can and pelted him with bottles while yelling “Get off my porch, and don’t you ever come back here.”

He was later spotted with a shovel.

A teenager left a suicide note behind, “It was not something I made.”

He was referring to a photograph of his private parts that was posted on the Web and the disparaging remarks that accompanied it.

Four students have been arrested and accused of extorting money from the victim.

“School officials said the site introduced an athletic circle to which the victim belonged. Profiles of members appeared on the page, but the site was closed after it started to be used for personal attacks.”

The boy who committed suicide was also called a liar and money was demanded of him – “The fine for telling lies is 10,000 yen.”

Kids having kids?

Nope…kids killing kids.

A 34-year old former Metropolitan Police Department officer met a 15-year old high school through an online dating site.

When they met in person he took her to a hotel in Tokyo. However, when he tried to force her into a hotel room another officer passing by

prevented and arrested him.

The pervert was fired from the police force for molesting a junior high school girl two years ago.

He had met her through an Internet site as well.

And the reason he is out and about?

I don’t know.

A woman entered a sumo ring in Japan for first time ever.

So sacred is the ring that a female governor in Osaka and to relegate prize-giving duties to a subordinate because she wasn’t allowed in the ring to do so.

But…in the spirit of “help, bad spirits” a middle-aged woman jumped into the ring, partially anyway.

A wrestler, Takamisakari, and a referee kept her from getting all the way in.

Religion, fanaticism, spiritual motivations will cause people to try the most zany things….no?

Perhaps had the middle-aged woman been a few years younger and been willing to wear just the obi/sumo belt she would have received a better reception.