Wispid

The family has a new baby, Carlee, named by dad AFTER the car because she was born IN the car.

Way to go, Dad.

Mom told him she wasn’t going to make it to the hospital if he delayed, but the stay-at-home dad insisted on making coffee and getting the kids off to school before they went to the hospital.

Bad choice – Mom gave birth to the kid in the family’s new Ford Expedition in front of a Toys “R” Us.

Carlee joins her 8 brothers and sisters 18-months – 16-years old to help raise dad.

One boy is named Pete and the other re-Pete. Another daughter was named Denise by the dad’s brother (her uncle.) The uncle named a third boy – DeNephew.

That’s how they do things in WVA, I reckon.

Watch out for those Chinese women!

They are hot.

And their kisses can kill…literally.

A Chinese girl passed a capsule filled with rat poison from her mouth to her long-time lover’s during a kiss.

The couple had a pack -” if either one of them cheated on the other, he or she would have to die.”

When she saw him ‘talking’ to another woman, she figured he had broken the promise.

Now, they both will die.

Driving a golf cart around campus at 2:20am in the morning, fast enough to roll the thing and throw your buddy out are good indications that the driver’s ability may be impaired somewhat ( a lot? ).

Hitting a police car is a dead giveaway.

Thankfully, the two 21-year olds didn’t have to die.

However, one was arrested on the spot…too drunk to run, perhaps?

The other was picked up a few days later.

See you in court, fellows.

“Watch me pull something out of my pocket, little girl.”

“Can you hold this for me?”

“What’s that you have tucked inside your…?”

A professional magician was charged with multiple counts of sexual assaults on little girls over a 10-year period.

As soon as one 14-year old stepped forward, another accuser stepped forward saying he assaulted her, too…for about ten years from when she was ten.

The self-described “ordinary guy who does extraordinary things” is going to jail for that little extra.

Is there any profession that is immune from sexpidity?

“It’s okay, dear. You are at the hospital now. Just give me a few moments to make a phone call.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

“No.”

12 phone calls later and the head of the hospital still had no takers to help the woman who was going to give birth to a premature baby.

“Well, if it can’t be helped.”

Finally, a doctor friend in a neighboring prefecture agreed….the 13th friend to be called that is.

The woman got to the hospital three hours later but had a miscarriage five days after that.

Gee, don’t you feel well now when they tell you that hospital will see you now?

A 37-year old construction worker thought his girlfriend was ‘playing around on him.’

So, he baked her a cake and laced it with sleeping pills.

After she passed out, he strangled her and abandoned the body.

He then turned himself into the police.

There’s a topless beach called the Porthemmet Beach in Cornwall.

It’s the largest in the country AND the only in Britain to allow topless sunbathing.

If you need directions tell anyone in the city that you are an *emmet (secret password) and the locals will give you directions AND you will fit right in.

If the locals tell you they don’t know where the beach is, ask someone else.

“There is a private joke in Cornwall where locals will pretend not to know where Porthemmet beach is. Don’t be fooled.”

In the worst case….tell them Cambridge graduate Jonty Haywood sent you.

*emmet -a derogatory word for tourists in Cornwall.