Wispid

A drunk step dad dragged his 13-year old step daughter out of bed and forced her into a chair.

“Either I rape you or you kill me.”

He then cut his own wrists in front of her.

Miraculously, they did NOT let him just die.

Apparently when drunk, men can get their own miraculous powers – he beat his 15-year old step son and threw his wife out of the house and onto some concrete steps.

Steps…steps…steps…

The man has been sentenced to 14 months in jail.

That’s it?

“Mom, can we have a say in who you marry next time? Please?”

An 18-year old boy/man who was working at the day care center owned by his grandparents lost his wallet.

The wallet was found at a store.

When police looked inside to find out who the owner was, they found an ID and a picture of a naked little girl.

Uh oh!

The man who had worked at the day care center for a year was arrested and has admitted to taking the picture.

A mom came home early from a party to find her 13-year old daughter in bed with her 29-year old female former tennis professional and coach.

Mom screamed…the girl ran…the tennis pro covered her head with the sheets.

All three gathered downstairs and mom had her say.

The tennis pro left and mom took her little girl and went back to the party.

Two years later, the mom has the tennis pro in court accusing her of five counts of sexual activity with the girl’s tennis coach.

The defendant’s coach, um, lawyer is suggesting that mom fabricated the incident because she (mom) was upset because her daughter’s tennis career was coming to an end.

“I will be a judge the judges of the 13th Judicial Circuit, my family and friends, and all citizens will be proud of.”

Yup…his family and friends were probably proud of the fact that he unduly helped them with their legal problems and took away cases from other judges to change the legal status of defendants or reduce sentences.

The judge is also accused of taking inmates into his private chamber and spanking them.

The judge was also accused of offering to provide help with inmates’ cases in exchange for sexual favors.

Enter the NAACP – they are accusing investigators of coercing inmates to make allegations against the judge whose color I don’t know, but now I can guess.

The judge was being paid to do nothing, but has now stepped down.

If he had done no wrong…there was no need to back away from a fight.

People do ‘fun’ things when they get drunk….like taunting the police.

A man called the police about 10 times from his cell phone –

“I’m hammered … come get me.”

“I’m drunk and giving you guys clues and you still haven’t found me.”

“nah nah nah ne naaaah nah”

Two hours later, the drunpidiot pulled up in front of a couple of squad cars and taunted them some more.

Police caught up with him when his car broke down.

What’s the most ‘fun’ you ever had drunk?

A 35-year old woman had her lab reports mixed up by a medical lab.

Yup…it’s not going to be a happy ending.

A lab technician admitted cutting corners, leading to the wrong woman being cut on, while labeling tissue specimens.

Three very big problems –

1. The double mastectomy is complete though the woman didn’t need it

AND

2. there is another woman running around with breast cancer thinking ‘all is well.’

The single mother is going to sue…and the lawyers are going to win this one…

and

3. we are going to pay for it.

Two teenagers with a BB gun took pot shots at a lawyer.

I’m with you…I really want the teenagers to win this one…but…

The lawyer, nicknamed ‘Dr. Death’ NOT because of his courtroom activities but because he is a long time rugby player went after the kids.

Enduring more shots he kept at them until he (54) tackled one of the kids.

The kid got away but police caught up with both of them at a restaurant.

They now face felonious assault charges.

The lawyer had taken target practice earlier in the day and was, thankfully for the kids, not carrying his .45 caliber Ruger when they shot at him.

Uh…instead they have to face him down in court…and that could be much worse.

I still wanted the kids to win.

I am not a bar hopper or a drinker for that matter. Regular visitors will gather that from the drunk and stupid reports I regularly post here.

But, I am still surprised at the stupid things that happen when people get together in bars and drink and bet and harass one another and…get DNA tests.

A Czech couple, in a bar (where else?) got fed up with pub gossip that their 10-month old was NOT the product of their Biblical getting to know each other.

So…they agreed to a DNA test.

Surprise – the baby belonged to NEITHER of them. The hospital, it seems had mixed up the babies.

In this case…the bar wins…but stay out of the hospital.

The nuns at a convent in southern California are being told to leave so the archdiocese can sell the building to pay an out-of-court settlement of $660 million to pay victims of pedophile priests.

Three nuns are being evicted and the end of the year is the deadline.

508 accusers of 221 priests and other male employees will get the windfall.

The nuns have a gag order on them and a number of priests are defending the church.

Let’s see…kids are violated by male priests. The woman folk are told to shut up, and the priests are allowed to do the defending.

And, we wonder why so many want no part of the church….or at least not the Catholic church.

A drunk dude tried to outrun the police on his lawnmower.

The lawnmowing knothead was caught by the police who chased him down…on foot.

The guy wouldn’t take a sobriety test but police concluded that the case of beer he had strapped to his vehicle might have some connection to his erratic driving unskills.

The knucklehead now faces a year in jail for obstructing a police officer and DUI.

How do you raise the fun level when you are mowing the lawn?