Wispid

Mexico City is apparently cracking down on drunken drivers….priests included.

A priest, identified by his papers and clutching a prayer book, was pulled over for driving erratically.

When the cops said they were going tow his car…he went after them with fisticuffs.

A few hours in jail and his fine paid-in-full, the priest is off to mass and wine and…

“Yo, Padre. We’re gonna have to tow your car.”

“Noth on my rife. Take dissss!”

The car just kind of idled along…while the driver slept.

The cop chased it, on foot…while the driver slept.

A cop jumped onto the running board and reached in and steered the car….while the driver slept.

The cop finally got the car to stop by putting it into neutral and coasting….while the driver slept.

The cops woke the man up….drunk and no license.

“Dr. David” parked and dined with other hospital physicians.

He even checked out a hospital employee’s aching knee for free.

Dr. David was really one of the landscapers.

The hospital thinks that he never had access to a patient but he did manage to get a physician’s parking pass.

He did take one hospital employee off medication and pass out prescription drugs (physician’s samples) to someone else.

He’s been arrested, but police have yet to determine how much and who he treated.

And you thought things were going to be alright once you got to the hospital.

“Yo, doc. Can you check out my shoulder? It hurts when I do this.”

“Well, then don’t do that.”

“Any other advice?”

“Uh. Hang on and I’ll get my hedge trimmers.”

A former dentist and businessman is accused of running a scheme that looked like the ‘back room of a butcher shop.’

In cahoots with three funeral directors, a couple of nurses (cutters), the team stole body parts and sold them from the company Biomedical Tissue Services.

Some 1,077 bodies were plundered.

The body parts were sold to treat burns, replace broken bones and fill in other voids.

The funeral directors forged death certificates, and changed the ages of the deceased.

And so on….It gets worse.

“Yo, doc, you got any spare ribs?”

“Hang on, I’ll check out back in the alley.”

A man dressed and lived as a woman so he could embezzle money from an elderly victim….think real but nasty Mrs. Doubtfire.

The man worked for a year as a woman before he was caught stealing when a family member audited the older victims bank account.

She, er, he wasn’t caught standing up in the bathroom…it was the stealing that caught him or her in trouble.

So, um, where were the family members when they hired this guy?

“You wanna take care of my grandma?”

“Yes, I would like that very much.”

“Okay, standard procedure is for us to have you drop your drawers, or raise your skirt.”

A dentist is saying that chest massages are an appropriate procedure during certain treatments…

No doubt, the determination is made by his attraction to the patient OR, as his lawyer says “the need to “palpate” the pectoral muscles in cases of temporal mandibular joint disorder, or TMJ.”

Leave it to a lawyer to confuse the issue.

The lawyer says that chest muscles and calf muscles may also be related to the disorder – a jaw problem that causes head and neck pain.

Some 26 women have come forward to say he has touched their breasts.

“Doc, my head hurts. My neck, too.”

“Okay, open your shirt and say, Ahhh!”

A 40-year old sports reporter fondled the butt of  a 22-year old woman while her 28-year old boyfriend was standing by…at around 5:10am.

His reason – “I wanted to have fun and show off,” he told investigators.

The boyfriend overpowered the reporter who committed the crime after drinking at a bar nearby.