Wispid

I suppose the offender is going to be relieved to know that having sex with a mannequin does NOT mean he indecently exposed himself.

“Lewd though it may be, does not fall within the purview of the indecent exposure statute.” ‘

The guilty, Plenty Horse, his real name, did not try to display himself in public. He just screwed the doll.

The difference in convictions means Plenty Horse will not have to register as a sex offender.

If you ask me, the guy has worse problems than deciding how they will register his crime.

A 35-year old horny dude broke into a church to use their phone to call a sex hotline.

Police caught up with him and arrested him.

The man confessed to doing the same a few days earlier.

The knucklehead had previous felony convictions and is being held without bail.

Two Southern Illinois University Edwards students kidnapped a teenager, paddled him and burnt him with hot cookies to try and get him to settle a drug debt.

The students also poured urine on him and partially shaved his head.

The victim had stolen a stash of marijuana that the knuckleheads had valued at $400.

When the victim persuaded his kidnappers to go home and get some money, he called 911.

“Alright dude. Give us some money or these hot cookies, fresh out of the oven and smelling good, are going on your chest.”

“YYaaaHH!!!!”

The mom, an ex-teacher…and a never-to-be-again teacher, was caught having an affair with her daughter’s 13-year old former boyfriend.

BIG SIGH!

The mom was 39-years old.

It was the boy’s parents, after they found out, who had the sense to turn the other idiot parent in.

The single mom…gee, we wonder why she is single…has two children.

I wrote…

People Falling Out of Sky (Part 2) – Woman Jumps to Death, Lands on Pedestrian

People are Falling Out of the Sky

Well, don’t you know that cows are falling out of the sky, too.

A cow fell 200 feet off a cliff and landed on a minivan that was passing by.

The driver and his wife escaped unharmed, but were treated to all the beef they could eat.

The couple were on their way home from church, having spent the weekend celebrating their first wedding anniversary.

I suppose my wife will tell me this is why we need a minivan…but I am still not convinced. Not until cows fall from the …. oops, I guess I can’t say that anymore.

People Falling Out of Sky (Part 2) – Woman Jumps to Death, Lands on Pedestrian

In this morning news, I learned…the guy died.

I have a favor to ask of all would be jumpers.

Please look before you leap.

Two 20-something year old women in love with the same man decided instead of cutting the man in half, as Solomon might recommend, to have a drinking contest.

Each woman was challenged to drink three bottles of strong wine in three hours.

They did, both of them.

Both women simultaneously collapsed and had to be taken by ambulance to emergency care.

The result – a draw.

And, another round.

The guy, meanwhile…on a date maybe?

Yup…they can be pretty huge in China as well.

A man grew to 330 lbs, a lightweight by some U.S. standards, and his family had to call a doctor in to give him attention. 

The doc wanted to get him to the hospital but all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t get him moved.

Police were called in…still immovable.

Finally, the fire department had to be called in to help carry the 32-year old tub of lard down the steps and into an ambulance.

So, um, why does it take so long for people to notice that they are so fat? 

A woman in China claims her dog knows what she wants.

So, the dog goes shopping for her, buys buns and brings them back, all while caring for her litter of puppies.

The woman said she was also offered $4K for the dog.

Um…I dunno.

But, I did hear about a dog who went shopping for some meat for his master. The dog picked out types of meat, and even ensured the change was correct if the butcher acted inappropriately.

However, when reporters followed the dog to make sure they were stunned by one incident.

The dog upon returning home, looked around, scratched his head, then stood on his hind legs and rung the doorbell.

The dog’s owner came out and beat the snot out of the dog with a newspaper.

When the reporter told the owner how marvelous his dog was, choosing meat, counting change and all that…the owner replied, “Yeah, he can do all that, but this is the third time this week he forgot his keys to let himself back in.”

A man in China talked his wife out of a coma.

The woman fell from a high building and seriously damaged her brain.

The guy sat next to her for months, massaged her hands and talked to her continuously.

Sure enough, she woke up and hasn’t stopped talking since.

Other guys want to know NOT how he got her awake, but how he got her to shut up, fall off the high building in the first place, no?

The phenomenon may be unique to Japan…but it’s not likely.

50% of young men and women in Japan have been exposed to physical or psychological violence at the hands of their dates.

The cause…35.4% of men found their girlfriends doing something annoying and 56% of women were put out by their men.

Cell phones were also a big issue -

“Why don’t you answer your (&*#$ phone/email?”

Other problems…berating and restricting of actions of their partners, 21.7 and 13.2% respectively.

Uh, if they have a partner who is a bonehead, why not lose the partner?